Hallmarks Of A Great Evening

Start with a pre-migraine haze. Get up to make [link slug=”iced-tea”], because my God, the caffeine in it could put an elephant in motion and slay a migraine in one gulp.

Walk into the kitchen and notice that the container of Tang has a mysterious liquid under it.

Taste mysterious liquid because it looks like liquid Tang; mysterious liquid has now been identified as gear oil. Sputter helplessly, then swish mouth with very hot water and burn tongue in process.

Notice that trail of mysterious liquid extends under Kitchenaid mixer. Move mixer over sink to facilitate cleaning the bottom of the mixer. Accidentally drop mixer in sink and break a saucer in the process.

Remove saucer shards from sink and discard. Clean bottom of mixer. Wipe counter and right the small oil can that has not been put away since the air conditioner was fixed. Move it to the windowsill and contemplate husband’s bloody demise in a vat of oil.

Move mixer back to the counter with enough force to pinch index fingertip between mixer and over-the-counter cabinets. Notice immediate white line where fingernail was squished. Hold ice cube until numb to prevent bruising under the nailbed.

Go back to computer to reset operating conditions. Hope the next trip into the kitchen doesn’t suck.