Dear CNN

Dear CNN,

I understand that you have a certain style of interviewing that is rude and belittles interview subjects. Really, I do. The whole question, challenge, expand mode of journalism generally gets you results and makes your reporters look like unmitigated assholes.

However, a bit of advice is in order. If you’ve dragged a shell-shocked New Orleans evacuee onto your live television program who is struggling to put together two words regarding efforts in Houston to give her some semblance of a life back, _you shut the fuck up and let her talk_. You do not interrupt her after you’ve just asked her a question and she has spit out two words in an attempt to reply to your total stupidity.

Sincerely,
Me

Dear Kids,

Water does not belong on the kitchen floor. Five dishtowels and a bathtowel full of water especially do not belong on the kitchen floor.

While we’re on the subject of things that do not belong on the kitchen floor, it might have been nice if you’d told me that you’d dropped a hamster water bottle on the kitchen floor and that it had shattered all over kingdom come. Then I might not be sitting here nursing a bloody foot that I got while cleaning up the water.

Love,
Me

Dear Day,

Let’s start over again, really. So far, you have sucked massively.

Sincerely,
Me

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